Thursday, August 28, 2008

Did My Butt Look Big In Those Pantyhoses?

Have you ever had one of those days that made you feel like just crawling under the nearest rock, big or small, exposing only your eyes? Well, I've had a multitude of them. In fact, I'm sure if I had been living during the days of Kings, Knights, and round tables, I would have been the King's most buffoonish court jesters, without even trying. Sit back, relax, screw your wig on tight, and take a big swig of your beer because I'm about to entertain you with one such moment in my life. By the way, welcome to my world!


Somewhere between the eras of platform shoes and cell phones, I was an ambitious new student in a career development class. One day I had to come to school dress as if i was going on a job interview. I prepared as if I would be the President of the company. My hair, fried, dyed, and laid to the side. My dress, a sophisticated, yet sleek, fire engine red little number with tiny pleats all around the skirt,which made it flow with a mesmerizing motion. My makeup, a soft copper foundation, luscious plum lipstick, and just a touch of soft black mascara. My confidence, off the chart. I was fierce. I strutted down my driveway, which was now a catwalk, to my car. I arrived at school , and I notice three guys standing near the ladies room. I greeted them with a casual "good morning", and strolled into the ladies room. I exited the ladies room and observed that the men were still there. I then pranced into the student's lounge where I greeted two students that were already there," what's up ladies", then I proceeded to the drink machine. Piercing the silence, I heard them yell "Peggie, your dress is up in the back". I felt behind me and all I felt was my butt , covered only by the pantyhoses, which were very sheer!. I thought ," what the heck", and my mind went straight to the guys that were standing in the hallway. I felt flushed, and without warning, my legs turned into two wet noodles. I melted into the chair. Oh God, I thought, how would I face those guys again. I spied a brown paper bag on the table, and I thought to myself, I could cut two holes in that bag , put it over my head , and they won't recognize me!. No, that wouldn't work. The red dress is a dead give away. It was time to go back to class. I peeped out into the hallway and they were gone!. The day ended and it was now time to go home. I peeped out into the hallway ,and guess what, they were in the hallway ,again. Oh wow!, what now? Should I go to the other side of the building and exit through the front door?, I thought. I took a deep breath, checked my clothing, held my tummy in tight, threw my head up high, and strolled right passed them.

This experience left me with two ummms. At the end of that class, I received an outstanding student award,ummm. Did my butt look big in those pantyhose?, ummm.
What do you think?

Peggie Mcneil